Tuesday, March 10, 2009

I think something deserves to be posted if it makes you laugh so hard that you cry...

I received this in my email from my assistant today, I had to share it.

***I had this idea that I was going to rope a deer, put
> it in a stall, feed it up on corn for a couple of weeks,
> then kill it and eat it.
> The first step in this adventure was getting a deer. I
> figured that, since they congregate at my cattle feeder and
> do not seem to have much fear of me when we are there (a
> bold one will sometimes come right up and sniff at the bags
> of feed while I am in the back of the truck not 4 feet
> away), it should not be difficult to rope one, get up to it
> and toss a bag over its head (to calm it down) then hog tie
> it and transport it home.
> I filled the cattle feeder then hid down at the end
> with my rope.
> The cattle, having seen the roping thing before,
> stayed well back. They were not having any of it.
> After about 20 minutes, my deer showed up -- 3 of
> them. I picked out.. ..a likely looking one, stepped out
> from the end of the feeder, and threw.. my rope. The deer
> just stood there and stared at me.
> I wrapped the rope around my waist and twisted the end
> so I would have a good hold. The deer still just stood and
> stared at me, but you could tell it was mildly concerned
> about the whole rope situation.
> I took a step towards it...it took a step away. I put
> a little tension on the rope and then received an education.
> The first thing that I learned is that, while a deer
> may just stand there looking at you funny while you rope it,
> they are spurred to action when you start pulling on that
> rope.
> That deer EXPLODED.
> The second thing I learned is that pound for pound, a
> deer is a LOT stronger than a cow or a colt. A cow or a colt
> in that weight range I could fight down with a rope and with
> some dignity.
> A deer-- no chance.
> That thing ran and bucked and twisted and pulled.
> There was no controlling it and certainly no getting close
> to it. As it jerked me off my feet and started dragging me
> across the ground, it occurred to me that having a deer on a
> rope was not nearly as good an idea as I had originally
> imagined.
> The only up side is that they do not have as much
> stamina as many other animals.
> A brief 10 minutes later, it was tired and not nearly
> as quick to jerk me off my feet and drag me when I managed
> to get up. It took me a few minutes to realize this, since I
> was mostly blinded by the blood flowing out of the big gash
> in my head. At that point, I had lost my taste for corn-fed
> venison. I just wanted to get that devil creature off the
> end of that rope.
> I figured if I just let it go with the rope hanging
> around its neck, it would likely die slow and painfully
> somewhere. At the time, there was no love at all between me
> and that deer. At that moment, I hated the thing, and I
> would venture a guess that the feeling was mutual.
> Despite the gash in my head and the several large
> knots where I had cleverly arrested the deer's momentum
> by bracing my head against various large rocks as it dragged
> me across the ground, I could still think clearly enough to
> recognize that there was a small chance that I shared some
> tiny amount of responsibility for the situation we were in,
> so I didn't want the deer to have to suffer a slow
> death, so I managed to get it lined back up in between my
> truck and the feeder - a little trap I had set before
> hand...kind of like a squeeze chute.
> I got it to back in there and I started moving up so I
> could get my rope back.
> Did you know that deer bite? They do! I never in a
> million years would have thought that a deer would bite
> somebody, so I was very surprised when I reached up there to
> grab that rope and the deer grabbed hold of my wrist.
> Now, when a deer bites you, it is not like being bit
> by a horse where they just bite you and then let go. A deer
> bites you and shakes its head --almost like a pit bull. They
> bite HARD and it hurts.
> The proper thing to do when a deer bites you is
> probably to freeze and draw back slowly. I tried screaming
> and shaking instead. My method was ineffective. It seems
> like the deer was biting and shaking for several minutes,
> but it was likely only several seconds.
> I, being smarter than a deer (though you may be
> questioning that claim by now), tricked it.
> While I kept it busy tearing the tendons out of my
> right arm, I reached up with my left hand and pulled that
> rope loose. That was when I got my final lesson in deer
> behavior for the day.
> Deer will strike at you with their front feet. They
> rear right up on their back feet and strike right about head
> and shoulder level, and their hooves are surprisingly sharp.
> I learned a long time ago that, when an animal -- like a
> horse --strikes at you with their hooves and you can't
> get away easily, the best thing to do is try to make a loud
> noise and make an aggressive move towards the animal.
> This will usually cause them to back down a bit so you
> can escape.
> This was not a horse. This was a deer, so obviously,
> such trickery would not work. In the course of a
> millisecond, I devised a different strategy. I screamed like
> a woman and tried to turn and run..
> The reason I had always been told NOT to try to turn
> and run from a horse that paws at you is that there is a
> good chance that it will hit you in the back of the head.
> Deer may not be so different from horses after all, besides
> being twice as strong and 3 times as evil, because the
> second I turned to run, it hit me right in the back of the
> head and knocked me down.
> Now, when a deer paws at you and knocks you down, it
> does not immediately leave. I suspect it does not recognize
> that the danger has passed. What they do instead is paw your
> back and jump up and down on you while you are laying there
> crying like a little girl and covering your head.
> I finally managed to crawl under the truck and the
> deer went away.
> So now I know why when people go deer hunting they
> bring a rifle with a scope to sort of even the odds.

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